Justice, Just not for Us

I don't really want to write to be all negative and stir up trouble. Trouble is already stirred and I'm simply sharing my thoughts. Sundays are the days that I've set aside to write a new post about my self-reflections. I tried, but couldn't wait until Sunday.

This past Sunday during our online church experience, conversations were shared about our world today regarding race and equality. As I was watching, I had a few tears in my eyes. I constantly have thoughts on how people view me or my husband because we're Black. But Sunday I looked at my son and thought, he's just a kid, subject to racism, prejudgment, and bigotry without even knowing. And as he grows older, his father and I want to protect him but the truth is, we won't always be around and who knows what injustice he may face. We pray over him and our unborn son daily. Sometimes multiple times a day. There's an awareness that the world we live in is evil and unfair, unfortunately it seems skewed and Black people are receiving the short end of the stick.

We are due to have another son in July and one conversation that we've had is about his name. It came down to two names. I suggested one just because I liked how it sounded, and my husband suggested the other because it sounded strong.  At some point throughout this name-choosing process, I thought about the baby's future. If we chose my husband's suggestion, would he be prejudged when his resume came across the table for a job? See, my husband, our oldest son, and I have common first names that wouldn't really give an idea to race when read. When it came to the two names we had for our second son, one is predominately used for a Black person and the other was predominately used for a White person. I slightly didn't want the name my husband suggested for that reason. But the more I thought about it, the more I remembered that God is in control and I believe that my son, Black name or not, would be the great man that God created him to be. What's in a name?

Unfortunately, it's a serious issue, but sadly it's peanuts compared to other pressing issues. His name might strike hatred, but regardless of his name, his skin color is what I'm worried about. Everyone says how pretty/cute my oldest son is. I just wonder, at what age will he begin to look too threatening, too scary. These are thoughts that I have for my unborn son as well. Sure in certain settings, we are safe. But the big world is not safe. I just want to call it White brutality. Doesn't even have to be a police officer anymore. Our people are being murdered, unfairly. Some would argue, hey you guys kill each other...blah blah blah. Not a valid argument ever! People will always kill each other, period. Blacks will kill Black, Whites will kill Whites. It does happen and it's never right. But why is Black on Black the only thing that gets labeled and used as an argument to make it seem like we shouldn't have a problem with the fear of being killed by a White person for just being? It's not the same at all. AT ALL! White people (and Blacks) gotta stop bringing that up as if it all of a sudden nullifies this injustice.

Also, we have to get rid of this notion that if we raise our kids as kings and queens, blah blah blah. We been been! It's no longer on us. This issue is not our fault and there's nothing we do or don't do that prevents us from being subject to hate. It's not about how we raise our kids. From the best of the best to the worst of the worst. We could be the filthiest humans on earth walking around or the most dapper, "well-spoken", ivy league grad with all the degrees and a high-accolade career, but walking in the street, sitting in our home, jogging, playing a video game, at the gym, sitting in church, breathing, whatever...we are still nigger! I said what I said. Our life is in danger of being cut off because of hate. And that's it. And anyone can make up or dig up anything to make the hate justifiable. It's despicable and disgusting. Saying "it has to stop" is never going to be enough for it to stop.

I contemplated writing about this at all because practically every Black person that I follow or am friends with on social media has already mentioned it, posted their peace, and shared information that I didn't want to seem redundant. But like so many have already said, we are tired. We as Blacks don't need to see another video. As soon as we hear a name and their tragic story, we know what happened, we feel anger, hurt, hopelessness, danger, the list goes on.

Our people are hurting collectively and we all get it. It's a common struggle. But knowing that Black people don't need to read another writing on this pain, I decided to still write because writing is therapeutic for me. These events hurt me to my soul and I weep like Jeremiah. But my hope is that perhaps my non-Black followers that have invested time in serving with me in whatever capacity would see how much my people are hurting and not only mourn with us, but stand with us. Stand, not just when it's comfortable, not just when it's in our presence. Stand in your own circle. Acknowledge us. See us. See color. Value our experience and speak up when you witness those who won't see us or value our struggle. Stop being scared of us.
Tell your children it's okay to say hi to the big Black guy and it's wonderful to not be intimidated by him.
Tell them that the girl that is loud in class is not ghetto, she might be passionate or may just come from a loud household, or is just loud, and all those reasons are okay.
Tell them that the woman who speaks her mind about an issue has a right to use her voice and is not automatically aggressive.
Tell them that the locs aren't automatically dirty.
Tell them that the developed girl is not fast.
Tell them that the janitor just may have a master's degree or higher, and even if he doesn't, he deserves respect.
Tell them that we are not overreacting. And stop saying that we need to go back to Africa (I was never there, and I guess all of us would have to leave America because, you know, none of us are the natives. They got killed too).
Tell them to never say that slavery was a choice. Whether you think it is or not, why in the world is this opinion even necessary at all? What do you get out of it? (And it's none of your business).
Tell them we are NOT lazy.
Tell them we're equal and stop telling them anything less.
Tell them that we have a right to be upset and have rage. We have the right to ask questions. We have the right to just be without someone faking like we're a threat.
Tell them that all lives matter, but all lives can't matter unless Black lives matter. We are included, we are human, we deserve to live without having to explain ourselves.

Racism is one thing. But when it constantly leads to murder for no reason, or police calls hoping for murder for no reason, what are we to do? I find no hope in this justice system. That's beyond us. Justice won't bring back the life of our brothers and sisters. Justice won't fix the mental abuse cause when you called the cops. How about Just Stop Hating Us!