Self-Reflection Sundays: Regulated Breathing

What an exhausting week trying to deal with the affects of hate against Black people! Just like others, I took a Facebook break for a few days. It was too much from all sides! But here's my reflection and that's it!

To the Issue of Silence
I've watched people call out their friends list, famous Christian artists, pastors, and the like. Many have spoken on how loud the silence is. And I get it, but what does this really mean? In my mind, some people unfortunately are not touched, don't even know what's going on, or don't understand how big it really is. Some get it but don't know how to respond. I don't understand calling them out because they didn't respond in a way that was satisfactory to you. What is it that we're even looking for? A post on social media? What does that really contribute? I mean, when I see someone who says something to me or on social media, I think "okay, thank you. You're trying to care". But did it do anything else for me? Not really. Expecting words has a potential to become as mundane as the cliche "Praying for France, praying for you...we stand with you, our thoughts are with those who lost their lives in the earthquake, blah blah blah" posts that happen after a tragedy or after a friend's loved one dies. It's thoughtful, but it seems "checklist-ish". Like, what else did you do? If you don't say anything, I'm not really that pressed or affected. My hurt is because of the tragedy, not by whoever didn't say something to me because of the tragedy. Get over yourself. Seriously. I know some people have a famous platform, but really I don't need their words. We receive words all the time after our people are murdered or treated unfairly. Guess what? IT STILL HAPPENS. What we're really looking for is for the hate to stop, and for it to be dealt with justly! That's it. The day after a murder, I don't need your words. I'm not scrolling through my friends lists and checking all their pages to make sure they spoke on the event. That does nothing for me. And if I haven't seen or heard famous people say anything to my satisfaction, why does that mean I have to cancel them? Who am I that I feel like they need to give account to me? Listen, I think what we really want is for people on a regular basis to speak against hate when they witness it, to be bold enough to tell family members and friends that their thought processes are wrong when they say racist or judgmental things about Black people, among other tangible things. Who's to say that people aren't directly giving time or proceeds to causes that are created to make change? Who's to say that everyday these people aren't creating spaces in their churches, classrooms, or wherever their stage is to promote diversity and understanding? Yeah a statement on social media, I don't need it. I'd rather you sign petitions and take those words to the justice system.

What I need is for people to recognize what's going on in the world and recognize their own need for change in order to make things better (if things are even going to be better because for real, we don't even know if things will turn around or if the world will just get worse and worse until Jesus comes back...but that's another post for another time). I believe we should want people to be aware of these events and not ignore that injustice is happening. I believe people should teach their children to respect diversity and difference in race. But I don't think we have to fault people for not speaking on it or saying something about it. So what if they don't? Seriously. What if I don't? Are you going to call me out too? So every bad thing that happens, we have to process it and formulate a statement about it? That's too much and it's not tangible. What is it that we truly want?

To the response on "rioting"
What I do want is that when people are grieving, give us time to grieve. Give yourself time to grieve if you are grieving with us. If not, you don't necessarily have to say anything to show your solidarity. But please stop responding to how we are grieving. This whole country was built on looting. People were killed and their land was taken. History includes people being stolen, and killed. What do you expect now? After everything going on right now and all the sadness and anger that it's causing, why is now the time to tell people that tearing down/burning businesses is not good. We Don't Care right now. Even if I felt the same, what would I get out of making this statement right now?

I'm no therapist, but I do know that if I deal with my problems in destructive ways, I wouldn't expect for you to solely tell me, "hey, that's destructive". I want you to empathize with me, not shame me to your friends and say how wrong I am, especially before you even acknowledge the root of why I'm acting out in the first place. I want you to help with ways that are constructive. Otherwise, shut your mouth! You are no longer an ally for me, you are not a safe place. Put your petty privilege down and pick up some love and respect. When the friend or family member's grief leads to "irrational" responses, why is that your time to say, hey I know you're grieving but you shouldn't be doing this because now you're affecting me. It's simply insensitive.

LASTLY, I am Black and Christian. One aspect is never separate from the other. It's part of who I am. What has been happening for a long time breaks my heart. I just feel like there's no productivity in taking this opportunity as a Black Christian to take my stance against rioting. The only message that will show solidarity during this time, Black or non-, Christian or non-, whatever you are, is that we stand against unjust murder of Black people! Period. Do we want to take this time to still show the love and hope of Christ? Absolutely! But during a time of grieving when people are not in a place to hear what they should or shouldn't be doing, you are not helping by going along with the propaganda of media and telling folks who are taking out their anger in a particular manner that they shouldn't be doing it. Why? You're putting the effect of looting above the fact that we still have no solution to the real problem. Now, whether I personally will raise my children to believe that this is the way to handle things is neither here nor there. Right now, in the heat of everything happening, is not the time to publicly down ourselves when non-Black people around us are already doing that.

Remember, our homes, churches, our lives have been burned for centuries! They've been killing us and our livelihood! We can find comfort knowing that vengeance is the Lord's but for those who won't, we can't help tear them down because they don't believe what we do. We should pray. But at some point, we have to get on the same page. You may personally disagree but at least admit that you freakin understand. Because there are many who are on the same page as you that do NOT understand and are NOT coming from a Christian standpoint. Thus, you are aiding with their desire to make "us all" look dumb.

We are called to love. Love is not just about kisses and roses. Love sometimes means covering people. People are reacting. Cover them, against the world that sees them as monsters. Cover them by reminding yourself that it's not just US out there, and WE didn't start this. Remember this is not new behavior. Remember, above all, People died! Being a Christian just might mean showing mercy to those who are taking out their anger in a way that maybe we wouldn't. If this was my city, I don't know what I'd do. So I dare not look down on "them over there". Furthermore, it makes no sense telling people how rioting or looting will affect the government. Who cares about the government who continues to show that they do not care about us? What if it was a store that I worked in? I don't know but it will be okay. What will NOT be okay is if Black people continue to be murdered by white people who are constantly not brought to justice.

In the end, it looks like I need another social media break. Taking the week off to breath!