His Mama Named Him Christ, I’m Gon Call Him Christ

Saturday, March 29, 2025

Today was a lot. My back has been hurting so bad, I have so many thoughts but we’re taught to just keep rolling. Go through it. But let the record show that I’m tired. But, I’m reading this book Black Minds Matter: Realizing the Brilliance, Dignity, and Morality of Black Males in Education by J. Luke Wood, Ph.D. The seven chapters are ordered so strategically that they start with titles that identify the problem/injustice; very negative. Yet, as soon as “Black Morality” appears, the chapter titles switch to more positive, uplifting titles. This act in and of itself is symbolism - as it demonstrates the importance of morality- whereas, an acceptance of the tremendous effects of racism on Black folks in the past, present, and future (in individuals as well as systems/organizations) has to be acknowledged as fact and as morally wrong before longevity of true change can increase with fidelity.

I’m literally trying to attack everything that’s coming against my peace but I have to step it up and come against things attacking my physical well-being. I weighed 226 lbs as of this past Thursday. I’m tired of focusing so hard on success while not taking care of myself physically, mentally, spiritually, or even academically. I am overwhelmed by things, so the things that require immediate attention end up being the things that I finally get to before the deadline since I let procrastination win, causing those lower items to rise to the top of the list, but the same procrastination cycle happens over and over. Then, those items just annoyingly remain on the to-do list as things that will never get done. 

But something happened today around 9:33PM (minus however long Mary Mary’s  “I just Can’t Give Up Now” is. No seriously! Like, subtract the duration of the song on YouTube from 9:33PM. Whatever time that is, that’s the time this dropped on me tonight. I firmly believe that it was God. He said that I cannot move to the next season until I give up control and be obedient. My family needs me; they are depending on me to do what I need to do and go ALL IN right away with God…here come the tears. Many many many years ago, two women at my home church on two different Sundays told me that I can’t save everyone. Crazy right…I knew exactly what they were talking about tho. I never felt like I belonged to a group. I was acquainted with many people on the individual tip, but in a large group, it’s either that I need to see “who all over there”, or I don’t go because I know I won’t feel comfortable. This has made me very comfortable with not being invited and preferring time alone, expecting to be misunderstood when I do speak up for myself, and underdeveloping my passion because I chose fear (which is something God ain’t give me a spirit of).  

The feeling of not belonging made me very empathetic to others who have the same feelings. The downfall to this empathy is that while it makes me very much connected to others because people find me genuine, I also have a hard time standing up for my boundaries, which takes away my peace. I have to accept that I cannot control everything. I cannot put a pretty bow on my manual “Tips On How to Treat Me” or “Marching Orders for When I’m Gone”: mind you…this book would be a literal step-by-step manual on everything that needs to be done. But I cannot save everyone and I cannot control everything. In fact, God is in control of everything! I mean EVERYTHING and I said “God today, I surrender. I’m not holding on to those secret sins that I think no one knows about. I’m not holding on to a past version of me while ignoring Your call from glory to glory”. You know, the call from the great God that we call Lord and we declare Him to be all the things at least while we’re singing in a church service performing for people, yet the moment …the moment, the very moment  you have to actually live out what you sing about, with no one around you for whom to perform, will you realize that you failed because you don’t truly have any power because you’re just singing, shouting, and heboshatayah-ing, to make everyone around you (none who are greater than God) respect you and like you.. Guess what, in that moment, you’ve made your name bigger than ALL the names of GOD! What are we doing y’all. It’s timeout for being scared of how social media, coworkers, enemies or friends may cancel you or whatever…it’s time to truly  take a stand and “choose ye this day whom ye will serve”. If his “name is above all names”, then how long until you choose to actually trust him to keep you during your withdrawals of whatever you need to let go of? I feel like God is waiting for a few of us to go deeper; go ALL IN with the master of the universe. God Almighty is waiting for us to boldly declare him Lord. Hell is hot but Heaven can be yours forever. The wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life. We gotta let go of the stuff that’s separating us from Him. You can’t serve two masters. If this convicts you even the slightest bit…then please lift your hands right now and say “Jesus, I give you my life. All I ask is that you please keep me surrounded with people who will hold me accountable unconditionally! Amen.

P.S.

First, to all my Sorors, rest assured, it ain’t that type of party! T.T.B.O.D.

Secondly, to anyone who disagrees, go in peace, this isn’t the time for arguments, this is for those who believe and those who want to believe. Go in peace, please.