That's So Handy

Roses are red Violets are blue I prefer roses to violets but here I am Still blue I thought I knew you But the last time I saw you was actually the first time I saw you This is  little Crystal I saw you in the hospital recently I had no words to say Roses are red, you are dead you can’t hear me yet I have so much to tell you You met one grandchild I have a picture somewhere The other two haven’t traveled home that often But I can tell them what I know Although you’ve passed, this is what you’re passing down Roses are read I read your obituary You owned business, your skills impacted the community, and your love for the family is ever present Just like the gifts you gave for birthdays and holidays The amount of times we drove  from the east to west side Your house smelled of cigarettes and flowers and something cooking on the stove I will carry the desire to not be reached by phone if I’m sitting outside in the porch And you passed down the torch for brainstorming initiatives...

If you're a mama, make sure you subscribe to my blog 💜 I f you're nosy, you can subscribe also 😜 Hi, I'm Crystal. Happy New Year to you, or maybe you can only resonate with that post floating around social media that just says "Year" cuz 2025? Yes, we are grateful for making it to a new year, but some of us just showing up. We might be lacking "Happy". For me, 2025 was crazy for many reasons. Daily I would internalize everything and feel like I wasn't doing enough, in any area, including motherhood. I couldn't keep up with anything. There was too much work, too many dishes, too much laundry, where are matching socks. Did I discipline right, did I say the right thing, are they in enough activities, was there enough vegetables, did they get enough sleep, enough hugs, enough 1-4-3s, enough food, too much food, too much yelling, I can't! There's fulfillment, there's love, but there's also exhaustion, and where's Happy? It was t...

    One of the best things about being God’s daughter is that none of my rebelliousness makes Him abandon me. I’m still His princess. I was fortunate to be raised in a healthy church, and even when crazy things were going on in my life, I had enough sense to go to church when service was scheduled even though I didn’t want to be there.      My godfather baptized me at age 6. When I made the decision to be baptized . One of the elders came to my parents house and talked to me. He asked if I knew what it meant to be saved and baptized. I absolutely knew. And I wanted it so bad that God put a little tune in my head and I would always pray that tune, “I wanna be saved”. So much so that one time in Children’s Church, I stood up and sung it OUT LOUD, “I wanna be saved”; there were blank stares everywhere, and the worship team didn’t know what to do so somebody just started singing the song “I’m saved, I’m saved….through the storms of life, my soul keeps singing ...

You know the crazy thing about trends? Most people, if not everyone, are trend-followers. Either ... 1) you're too afraid to be a leader, to leave familiar territory (or be alone), to accept that not everyone likes you, to see people you've been good to switch up on you and disrespect you, to know people have negative opinions about you or   2) you think you're sooo  elite, sooo unique that you label yourself a trendsetter when, in fact, you are STILL a trend-follower! The thing about God is that God is not too heavy on groupthink . Yes, God wants us to disciple others and fellowship with like-minded individuals, however, the "like-mindedness" really means "all of us congeal because we all want to do God's will". (we're like-minded because we're Christ-minded) #thatsitthatsall So why do we abandon who & what we literally were created for in order to impress other creations who also abandoned who & what we literally were created for. ...

I've been wanting to make some healthy changes for a while now. But lately, I've been feeling the need to make a specific change much sooner than later. It's a very difficult decision so I shared with my line sisters for accountability purposes. I was confident and excited about my decision that I was going to make by Easter Sunday. Then boom! YESTERDAY Every thought yesterday made me wanna go back to the old me. I was getting ready to give up on my whole goal; I kept telling myself that I wouldn't succeed in it so I might as well stay where I am. YESTERDAY I had a moment where I walked past the mirror and said to myself, “You don’t like beautiful”.  When I went into the living, my husband said to me, “You look beautiful? I knew God was telling me that this wasn’t me! This this was my fork in the road. Was I going to choose to really go all in with Christ and be who He wants me to be, or give up and choose hell? NO SERIOUSLY! This is where I was. Was I going to stick wi...

Saturday, March 29, 2025 Today was a lot. My back has been hurting so bad, I have so many thoughts but we’re taught to just keep rolling. Go through it. But let the record show that I’m tired. But, I’m reading this book Black Minds Matter: Realizing the Brilliance, Dignity, and Morality of Black Males in Education by J. Luke Wood, Ph.D. The seven chapters are ordered so strategically that they start with titles that identify the problem/injustice; very negative. Yet, as soon as “Black Morality” appears, the chapter titles switch to more positive, uplifting titles. This act in and of itself is symbolism - as it demonstrates the importance of morality- whereas, an acceptance of the tremendous effects of racism on Black folks in the past, present, and future (in individuals as well as systems/organizations) has to be acknowledged as fact and as morally wrong before longevity of true change can increase with fidelity. I’m literally trying to attack everything that’s coming against my p...

The long awaited break was finally here. I made it to the most wonderful time of the year where the only thing on my lesson plan is guilt-free breathing, fun, relaxation and spending time with my family. This Christmas also came with a surprise. One of my presents came as soon as the break started. Friday, December 20, the last day of school for the year, I got some new luggage to carry - Perfect timing for traveling through the holiday season. I began enthusiastically making plans and envisioning the future and I couldn’t wait to share news of the luggage I was carrying with my husband. The next day, one of my line sisters noticed my new luggage and I giggled with joy. I still only shared it with two other people who are also carrying new luggage. Then boom, throughout my holiday travels, I lost my luggage. I had not planned on losing my luggage just a week after finding out about it to begin with. I planned to go back to work next Monday and everyone would eventually know why Mrs. Ha...

 Okay so if you're reading this it's probably because you subscribed to my blog because I'm on a social media break so for that I say THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! It's summertime baby! Summer is my time to rest and rejuvenate, and to take care of all the things that I couldn't get to during the school year. This is my first summer not working in a few years. I was actually scheduled to teach for a summer program, but I had to pivot last-minute, and I promise, it was so worth it. This was the break that I've been so desperately longing for. This is my time to get my life together; mentally and physically. So let me share one of my biggest goals with you. My 39th birthday will be here in just a couple of months. I've decided to get my health under control. I am currently at my heaviest weight of 228 pounds. Nearing the end of this past school year was draining. I can't count how many people have asked me if I was pregnant. (I actually was pregnant in Jun...

This is the story of Baby "Quad", the latest member of our chocolate baby squad!  Someone once said, "Life is like a box of chocolates..." I'm starting to wonder if I even like chocolate anymore. Okay I do, but this...this must be the one with the cherry flavor inside. I absolutely hate those kinds. This is like receiving an unexpected box of candy, face lighting up with so much joy, only to bite down and taste nothing but bitterness, confusion, disappointment and misery.  "...You never know what you're gonna get". My trauma response was to approach each pregnancy with caution: If I can just make it to that first appointment, If I can just see the first sonogram, keep you alive long enough to hear the first heartbeat, I'll be safe, I'll know that you have a chance ...and this cycle continues through every single appointment until hopefully I get close enough to the end to feel confident that you'll be carried to full term.  No part of o...

Today I watched the pilot episode of "The Wonder Years". Growing up, my family and I watched the original show which aired in the late 80s to early 90s, and I even watched reruns later in life so I was interested in seeing how it would be. While watching, my mind started twitching, reminiscing about the details that made the original a good show. It was about current events, family, friends, school, a boy in love with a girl, sibling rivalry, so many other situations that you typically see in any American household. Yet, for some reason, I couldn't help but wonder if remaking the show from the vantage point of a Black character would suddenly change the essence of the show from a situational comedy to just a "Black" situational comedy. When a White family was the cast, all of us could enjoy it. So I wonder, do certain events of the time that the show was set suddenly become unrelatable if they are told from a Black cast's perspective? Do some experiences aff...

I looked in the mirror one day and I thought, "Ugh, I've become a Fat Girl". I looked in the mirror the next day, and the next, until about a month later, I realized that when I look in the mirror, I think to myself, "I'm a fat girl".  I don't know why, but sometimes I imagine people leaving my presence to go home conversing with their spouses about how much weight Crystal gained. I imagine people who haven't seen me in years looking at me in shame because I still have "baby weight" or I'm not fit like I used to be. What I think  other people are thinking is mere flattery compared to how I started to view myself. Eating made me feel sad. Trying to eat the right things made me feel disappointed and then I would eat what I wanted. This was always followed by more negative self-talk. See, you can't do it. You might as well give up. Even when you start, you can't stick with it. You're a failure. You would think I had enough head...

So it seems that the consensus is that "the church" will never be right. No matter what. Nothing any Christian does will ever be enough. Christians have to be perfect...no Christians have to be real... no Christians have to be left... no Christians have to be right. Christians this and Christians that. Yes, I'm a Christian. But it's not me, it's those Christians over there. Everything is their fault.  You don't get brownie points for being a woke Christian and declaring your solidarity with a certain side on controversial topics. What happens after blame is placed? Christians bashing Christians. It's so tiring. No matter how much we evolve (not in our message, but our methods). As long as there's any inkling of something unacceptable, throw the whole religion away. People will continue to make blanket statements about the church and try to say that no one is attracted to it anymore, it's irrelevant, it's wrong. Don't let this make you turn ...

Because another happening with a young Black man and a Black mother... I just watched the video of the student who has passed just three classes in four years of high school. Although each year he was promoted to the next grade, his credits place him as a ninth grader, thus he was expected to start over as such. You probably have questions and comments, but here's my take. What I know as a human is that I can never fully understand anyone else's situation period. I can watch a news story, and form opinions, and it will all still be biased based on what I have and haven't experienced. Each occurrence is unique to the involved individuals ALWAYS!  I know it's easy to shake our head and give all this insight on who we think is to blame. What's the point? This kid is clearly facing some hardships and is in danger of a downward spiral in life. How can things get better? One immediate action that can be taken is to pray that God will intervene and that this family would b...

I had Valentine's Day all planned out in my head. It would start with a nice breakfast before I went to sing at church. On my way home, I was going to pick up a coffee for my husband and give it to him along with a love note. I had a zoom playdate set up for my oldest where he and a few other toddlers would do a Valentine's Day craft. Later, both our boys were going to do a painting activity. I also wanted to dress them up and take Valentines Day pictures. In the evening, I would attend a zoom birthday celebration for one of my close sisters. Then we all would have a movie night and when the boys went to sleep, I wanted my husband and I to redo the love languages test. I was going to capture pictures of each event to display on this blog post and on social media. Okay so this is how the day really went. I ended up falling asleep after my alarm went off so I was running late for church and only had time to warm up a pancake and some eggs that were supposed to be for my son. On m...

This month, people all across the world engaged in a 21-day fast; giving up something to devote more of our day to connecting with God. I don't know if you participated; and if you did, I don't know how successful you were. I had a few challenges sticking to my original plan, which is fine. The problem came when I realized that although I gave something up, I didn't really give up all that I should have in order to truly focus on seeking God and making myself available to Him. It wasn't until the very last week of the 21 days that I decided it wasn't too late to go harder. My husband hadn't really been watching much television. So I was shocked one afternoon when the tv was on and a movie was set to play. It was The Passion of the Christ . Now, this was a movie that I'd seen twice in the theater when it came out. This is also a movie that I thought sure I would never intentionally watch ever again. I saw it, I felt it. I was changed, I didn't need to wat...

Enough was enough. I had some strong emotions after leaving a store and to top it off, this sign was still up on my way home so I needed to write about it. It's  Story Time ... So today I went to the grocery store and I watched this woman walk straight in with no mask. There was no fidgeting through a purse, no pivot back to the car, no sign at all that she was doing something wrong. She just went in. Can you imagine the confused look I had on my face? I know, I know, perhaps it truly did slip her mind. I mean, I was just thinking the other day how often I've unintentionally left the car with no mask but at some point before entering a building, I remember, and I go back and retrieve it. ALWAYS. It feels completely weird now to almost walk in a building with no mask on. I always get that signal to my brain saying, "Hey wait a minute. You forgot something". But okay, maybe she truly didn't have that moment; I could be tripping. But there was something about her smi...

Welcome to the last month of the year. I don't know if you ran, walked, or crawled to make it to the finish line, but you made it to December 2020! This year came with A LOT , so much so, that there were many mentions of canceling the year. I don't necessarily agree with canceling a year - as if the second it becomes January 1, everything will start over with complete bliss; as if every year doesn't come with it's own set of challenges - but I feel like there's just been a consensus of tiredness because most of the events this year were beyond us individually; it was worldwide! Yet on top of what happened collectively, some people still had to deal with their own individual losses. To say the least, 2020 was a year! This week, I watched the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy. No spoilers, but kudos to the show for bringing to light many of the issues that have been magnified during this pandemic. I felt so seen and validated. Who truly knows how much this virus af...

I hate talking.  I know that might sound weird from someone who was a school teacher, but I absolutely hate the energy that it takes sometimes. Small talk, needing to make a phone call, answering questions, all things that give me anxiety. It's out of fear; fear of not being heard (like actually not talking loud enough to be heard), being misunderstood (misinterpreted), being ignored, and one of the biggest fears is not being validated ! Why bother sharing if my thoughts are overlooked?  I'm not thinking in a "know-it-all" kind of way, but in a "this always happens to me, Charlie Brownish" kind of way. Here's how it goes in my head:  I understand the matter, I've had ample time to think about it and come up with my viable thoughts on the matter, and you mean to tell me that after mustering up enough energy to actually say what's on my mind out loud, you're not even going to accept what I said? Yeah, I'ma just head out for the rest of the ...

Gobble Gobble! This past week we celebrated a holiday which, like many others, is known for getting together with family and friends to eat, watch sports, eat, play games, and eat some more. Thanksgiving looked a little different this year for many of us. Some had to face the day knowing that their loved ones are no longer with them. Some were working and couldn't really see family and friends. Some are still missing their kidnapped family members. Others couldn't see family and friends because they wanted to take precautions due to Covid. There is so much happening and so I think we all can agree that there were many reasons to NOT   be grateful this Thanksgiving. This season is a time to think about your blessings, yet of course, sometimes in life there are situations that tend to overshadow the holidays.  So here I am, with an amazing life, but it can feel pretty unamazing sometimes, with the busyness of raising a toddler and infant, sadness from missing my friends and...