Self-Reflection Sundays: Imperfect Song Snippet

I was singing this song earlier this week and I recorded myself playing the guitar and singing it. That's it! That's all. I didn't post it on social media. I just recorded it and let it sit on my phone. Oh wait, later I deleted it. 

Friday I decided to record myself again. And I hated it; absolutely hated how I sounded. I imagined it so differently in my head, wanted it to sound stronger, possess more color, yet it didn't manifest that way. Later that same day, I thought about two specific singers whom I like listening to - Jonathan McReynolds and Chandler Moore. They have two completely different sounds in their voices, but I like both of them. The differences don't make either one of them inadequate singers. The differences aren't flaws, neither are they facts that cause one to be better than the other. As a matter of fact, the distinctions only matter when comparing each to one another. 

For myself, I have things that I don't like about my voice. I've been singing since I was four. I've been on choirs, been in groups, sung solos, lead worship. I have so many strengths but I often focus on my weaknesses and on the differences that I have when compared to others and I see them as negatives that make me an inadequate singer. Even though I know that there are those who like my voice, I often imagine what the other audience will think. I edit and re-edit to satisfy that imagination yet I still hate listening to recordings of my voice. As analytical as I am about music, I am ten times as critical about my own sound. I know that I have so much knowledge about music but it doesn't always translate into what comes out when I open my mouth to sing for others. Thus, I shy away when I feel like sharing something. But this song, I recorded it and wanted to push myself to share it despite fear and flaws. I felt like singing it and I felt like playing the guitar so I shared the video. So what!

Sometimes, someone will have a song on their heart and will record it and share, or go live and they preface the singing/playing by apologizing. Apologizing for wrong notes, cracking, or raspiness. But why? Why do we make it seem like mistakes should never be acceptable? Why do we set ourselves up to always need to be perfect? Why is it okay to hold back from sharing something out of fear that someone may look at it as not good enough? Furthermore, if we do get over the hurdle of wanting to share, we don't just share confidently, we share while asking to be excused for any mess-ups. The truth is, even the "best" of them make mistakes. If it's okay for them, it should be okay for the "least" of them also (the existence of such hierarchy is a whole different topic). I am tired of being held back by fear. If I share something, horribly bad, it's not going to kill me. If people make horrible comments, it's not going to kill me. But imagine what could happen if just one person who needs the encouragement that they would have, should have gotten by scrolling through and seeing my video, didn't get it, because I never shared it?

The world is full of people doing things in spite of the scariness. What's stopping you?