Self-Reflection Sundays: How are the Handy's?

How are you doing? My husband and I have been asked this question very often lately. Today we had a real conversation and I found it interesting being two Black people with two different experiences, processing recent events two different ways being that we grew up in very different parts of Maryland.

His answer to how he's doing includes being okay, sad, just living, being kind of numb; this is nothing new. One thing that stuck out to me in the conversation was him saying, "isn't this life?". See, he's experienced living in an environment where the majority of the people around were white. To him, white people always had the upper hand. He's experienced being the only Black student in class. Most of the Black kids were looked at as not good enough. If they were smart, they were "acting white". Not much was expected from them. Success was like a miracle. You had to work three times as hard just to be looked at as half worthy. He learned a lot about being a normal Black person once he went to an HBCU; seeing that there are all kinds of Black people in the world, who could earn degrees, who could be smart and be proud to be Black.

Me on the other hand, although I'm becoming more and more numb to the treatment of Black people in the world, I still have a significant shock factor that comes each time I hear about another person whose life was threatened or taken because of their skin color. I'm not as numb as others. See, I grew up in a very urban area where we were used to seeing a range of Black people and non-Blacks for that matter. And it was a thing, but it wasn't really a thing. We were all just people. Not that racism wasn't there. I mean, we were used to being followed in stores, but we thought it was because of our age more so our color. Who really knows. We knew racism was a thing, but it wasn't outright behavior that much. It was more hidden so when it did come out, it seemed out of the norm. We just kept right on being great without being bent out of shape. Growing up, I knew that I was Black, but I didn't feel like an outcast due to race. I could be me, I could be smart without being looked at as "acting white". I could look around, and look up and see people that looked like me. We were principals, mayors, what have you; there were plenty of us in all different kinds of places to show that we could be as mediocre, regular, or superior as we wanted to be. Now? I see more and more that no matter what our accomplishments, some will still see us all the same.

One thing that I mentioned in the conversation was how much I have changed. It took a while because some people that know me might say that I grew up "sheltered and privileged". But just as some will always look at us all as the same, I too must look at us as the same in a sense. We are all brothers and sisters in a common struggle. I am guilty of looking at "those Black people over there" and seeing them as different, but kind of in a negative way. Since there was such a range of Black people where I grew up, it was easy to be categorized as the smart ones, the regular ones, the dumb ones, the classy ones, the ghetto ones. One thing that I am learning more and more is that although we are different, none of our experiences should make us seem better than another. There's enough people against us for us to have the nerve to be against ourselves.

All in all, after reflection this past week of how we are doing, we've vowed to not let these current events blow over without really contributing to the change; to be the best educators we can be, whether that's in or outside of the classroom. We vow to give ourselves space to feel and space to heal. We vow to love everyone, and to trust that our family is in God's hands and come what may, we pray that we live our best lives and help to point people towards Christ.