Self-Reflection Sundays: On today's episode of "It's Just Hair"...

For the past few years, I've been going back and forth, and back and forth with my hair; to keep it loc'd or to wear it out? That is the question. 

I got my first perm during the summer before 6th grade, and it wasn't because I wanted to per se. It was because I was teased (no not by the neighborhood children, not even by kids at school, but by people at church).

Before all of this, I had really long hair, natural hair before I even knew of the term. Saturday was the day set aside for washing, parting, oiling with Pink Lotion, and platting or twisting with ballies - the usual style for church and school the next week, except for the special styles that came for a holiday when my mom would say, "Don't let anyone touch your hair". Somehow though among my peers and the older youth, my hair was not "acceptable" and it needed to be permed. Once when my aunt came in from out of town, she ended up straightening my hair for the very first time. The next day at church, some girls told me it looked nice (the compliment was drowned by coupling statements such as "it's about time you got a perm"). And once I told them that it still wasn't permed, just straightened, they replied by saying that I still needed a perm. My hair was beautiful but I couldn't see it because of the ignorance of others. I couldn't be a typical child, I was supposed to have the gels, swoops, and curls that made elementary-aged girls hair-twinsies with the teenagers. What was the hurry to grow up? Oh well, I was tired of being laughed at and talked about from my "friends" and others. So the summer before middle school seemed like the perfect time to beg my mother to let me get a perm. She obliged by taking me to a lady who decided that the thickness of my long hair could only be tamed by using two perm containers. Yes two! My hair was nice and straight, making others happy, but of course by 7th grade, it started to break off. I spent the year trying to manage as best as I could because the result was to stop getting perms, which left me with continuous new growth leading to more teasing. I remember a time when I came to an evening service at church with my hair looking a total mess. I knew I was in for it. Of course "they" looked at me and whispered. I remember leaving to go to the bathroom to try to use water to lay down the front of my hair. I couldn't get it together but I had been in the bathroom long enough. I returned to the sanctuary to endure bursts of laughter and embarrassment. I did what I had grown accustomed to do on the numerous occasions, I just sat and took it. No one would rescue me.

By the time 8th grade came, my mom had found someone else to take care of my hair. She cut it really short and it had grown back to it's original length by the end of that year. I went to her faithfully every two weeks for a wash and style, and every 6 weeks was a touch-up. Although I was given the nickname "helmet" because my hair was so thick, and was often received with the joke of "let me prepare my back" when I showed up for perm day, my hair was healthy again, so much so that some of the same ones who teased me started to compliment me on how "beautiful" my hair always was now!

In college, I realized that I didn't need to keep getting perms in order to have beautiful hair. I wanted to explore natural options and was encouraged by one of my big sisters that college was the ideal time to do so. Although I still attended my hair appointments, I no longer got perms, I just got it blow-dried and straightened. It was a struggle because I couldn't figure out how to style a half-permed afro. In December 2007, I cut the perm out and began my loc journey. I didn't see many Black women on this wave and I loved that it was uncommon. I loved my locs but the cost of maintenance was adding up for a person who was used to her mom paying for her hair every two weeks. So I learned to retwist them on my own. Now, this was before there were a million YouTube videos and Facebook groups assisting with products and styles. I did my best, and often, didn't do anything at all - just let my hair be! Eventually I desired something new, so I combed my long locs out using a fork and much conditioner, to just wear my natural hair out. This didn't last long because I didn't know much about managing really thick hair. It was too much to keep up with so I started my locs again.

In April 2016, I was preparing to get married in a few months and my fiance (now husband) and I were discussing how he had never seen me without locs. So I cut them off and wore a short cut. I loved it and let it grow for a while before getting back to a point where I was tired of the upkeep so I started locs again. This toggling went on for a few years. Now 2020,  with the pandemic I was ready to try locs again; especially since quarantine meant I didn't have to go anywhere during that "awkward" phase. I kept them for 4 months before realizing that I can let them go again. This past week I combed them out and I feel much more informed and confident that I can take care of my natural hair. 

The whole hair process was painful yet beautiful. Learning that I didn't have to please anyone, I didn't have to look like anyone else, I didn't have to follow a trend, I didn't have to change my look to be accepted,  learning that I was a strong woman. If I want to change my hair, I can change it. It's just hair. 

Let me get deep for just a second. This week has been SO freeing for me on quite a few levels. I'm no longer going back and forth wondering if locs are the move or not. I've also made some other decisions that I've been struggling to make for a while, but now I can move on and enjoy investing in what's important in my life. Maybe you have something you've been going back and forth with. Have you been avoiding speaking up against wrongdoing for the sake of avoiding ridicule? Are you wondering if you should stay involved in a group that doesn't share your values anymore? Are you holding on to broken friendships for the sake of saving face or just out of familiarity? Are you staying in a field/career that no longer serves your purpose? Whatever it is, I pray that you can find freedom and peace; make a decision and stick with it. This is a perfect year to try something new. Go for it...It's just hair!