Sunday Self-Reflections: Pregnant During Pandemic

Hey guys, let's have a baby...umm...

how about...Tomorrow!


Husband and I have been preparing to go to the hotel, I mean the hospital, for quite a while now. Bags are all packed, car seats installed, coverage secured for our oldest son, nursery decorated. Seems like everything is all set. The most important thing was preparing our mind.

This pandemic has changed so many things about this pregnancy compared to our first. Luckily, I didn't need to purchase new maternity clothes because we haven't needed to go many places. However, we weren't able to have an in-person baby shower. We had to improvise with taking maternity photos. We also haven't been able to have visitors or go and visit others. This is very different from before. When we go to the hospital tomorrow, it will just be my husband and me. When we come home, it will just be my husband, our boys, and me. Although I am going to miss having people come celebrate with us, I am glad to be able to just come home and learn to adjust as a family. This is a positive lesson, however, I have to be honest. Yesterday, I had a little bit of a nervous breakdown...


I was sitting and suddenly I could feel heat inside, like my blood felt like it was literally boiling. I was trying to take deep breaths and I started crying heavily. I can't even really pinpoint why. One thought that stuck out was "I miss my mom".


I'm sad that she's not here with me; sad that she can't see me in person or even with technology. But there was another aspect that I miss and that is her work ethic. My mom worked hard as a mother! She took care of everything in the house, until the day I moved out. She had it all together, so I also tried to make sure I had it all together. I suddenly realized, I was not like her. (I mean I know that I'm not like her in so many ways). But it hit me all at once all the things that I wasn't getting right. All the things that I wasn't keeping up with. All the things that I was losing control over. Here I was, getting ready to have two young boys in the house, and I did not have it all together. I wasn't keeping up with learning time, with cleaning, with cooking. I was tired ALL THE TIME! I made to-do lists, and they rolled over from day to day, week to week. I don't like help. That's just me. Besides the fact that there's a pandemic, in general, I don't like feeling inadequate. I don't want people thinking that I can't keep up with things, but the truth is I am not keeping up with things.


Here's the thing though. IT'S OKAY! It really is okay. If I'm not keeping up with the expectations that I set for myself, that's my business. How dare I beat myself up. No, instead I should reassess, make adjustments, and accept what I do get accomplished as a win. For crying out loud, I was pregnant during a pandemic. Kudos to the superwomen who can be a wife, take care of a toddler, carry a whole baby inside their body and keep everything together during normal times, much less during a pandemic. With the help of my amazing husband, I am able to see that I am doing a phenomenal job and I should not compare myself to anyone else at all. I do a lot, so when something doesn't get done like I expected, it doesn't mean I'm a terrible mom. I am fine! If you are a mom, or just anyone who is beating themselves up senseless for not meeting all the expectations, give yourself a break, and for goodness sake, stop comparing yourself to others!


Thanks for taking time to read my thoughts. One more request is that you keep us in prayer as we prepare for delivery.