Red and Blue

So I'm on my way to the doctor for a baby check-up yesterday. I make it about 3 minutes from my house. There I was at a stop sign where you either turn right which leads to a dead end (the only people who would go that way are the people who live in the two or three houses that way), or you can turn left and then you'd hit the main road. Well, a police car was coming down the way I just came from. I make it to the main road when I notice that the cop made a u-turn. I immediately knew he was coming for me. What's he gonna make up that I did? I'm not speeding...is it a brake light out or something? I don't have time for this; I'm going to be late for my appointment!

I pull over and he comes up to the car to tell me that he pulled me over because I didn't stop completely at the stop sign. Seriously? The whole time, I was not scared, but I also was not patient and smiling like usual. I was actually angry; furious. All I wanted to do was get to my appointment.

He could tell I was a little frantic. He asked about it. I responded with some sass that I'm going to be late now. He kept trying to ease my mind by saying he would give me a warning and he'd try to be as quick as possible. All I could think of was how ridiculously petty this was and how he was wasting my time.

He finally finished with everything and let me go. As I drove off, I had 2 takeaways:

1. With all the racial injustices in the world, this certainly could have been a horrible experience. But it wasn't! The cop wasn't mean, nasty, or extra. Whether he was trying to be petty or just doing his job, I realized I could have been so less nasty than what I was. Don't get me wrong; by no means am I making a connection to any other "Black Person Pulled Over" story to make a point that the outcome depends on our compliance. No, I'm just sharing my recent story about how different I could have been just for my character. All that other stuff is a whole different discussion...

2. The second and biggest thing that I realized is how truly difficult it is to not entertain your initial reaction or feelings. Some of us know that Black people don't always have the luxury of being human when we get pulled over. We have to be calm, comply, be quiet even if we have questions; switch to your typical "yes massa, no massa" situation for the sake of trying to make it out alive. I completely failed! I mean I wasn't horrible, but every ounce of my face and tone was clear to how annoyed and irritated I was. I was ignorant, and in another situation, it might not have ended so well. It was just a huge reminder to me, especially as my husband and I raise our children,  that I have to gain control of my reactions because sadly, it's better to compress feelings and get out safely.